


Now that I've a taste of light, how can I survive in the dark?

by Howlerus



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Agony, Angst, Anxiety, Friendship, Gen, How Do I Tag, Hurt No Comfort, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Mentioned Generation of Miracles, Neglect, One Shot, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, might write a happy ending, we'll see
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-02
Updated: 2019-07-02
Packaged: 2020-06-02 22:43:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 862
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19450984
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Howlerus/pseuds/Howlerus
Summary: Kuroko Tetsuya handed in his resignation letter.And then he was falling, falling back into the darkness.





	Now that I've a taste of light, how can I survive in the dark?

He was falling.

Falling right back into the place that he belonged.

Tetsuya thought that after he handed in his resignation letter, he would feel relieved. He thought that he could finally get rid of the noose around his neck, and be able to take in a deep unhindered breath.

Yet, all he could feel, as he weaved his way through the crowds on the street, was that he was falling.

Falling.

Falling.

Falling.

He was once again a wraith, an incorporeal being that roamed the earth unseen and unheard. He was once again a shadow submerged in the pits of darkness, never to taste the light -

Tetsuya fumbled for his house keys, but they ended up tumbling to the ground with a loud clang. He bent down to pick them up, but when he focused on his own hand, all he could see was Daiki walking past him.

All he could see was his lone hand reaching out for something that was lost.

And then he was falling.

Again, 

_"Passes? What passes? I don't even remember how to receive your passes anymore, Tetsu."_

_I don't_

**_remember_ **

**_your passes_ **

Tetsuya tripped on the last step of the stairs, and barely stopped himself from falling face first onto the ground. He thought he heard a whimper, but ignored it and rushed into his room instead. Huddling in his blanket, Tetsuya failed to feel the warmth that it usually brought. He glanced around his room, and choked on his next breath when saw that worn basketball right beside his study table.

_"Murasakibara scored in his own basket before the game ended, making the final score 111 is to 11. What a strange final, this is!"_

111-11

**111-11**

**111-11**

**111-11**

Tetsuya jolted from his daze and looked down at his arms. Numbly, he released the tight hold his left hand had on his right arm, and spotted the newly formed red crescents on his flesh. Those spots burnt, but it somehow made it easier to breath, and Tetsuya just dug his nails into the same spot once more.

But then his eyes slide over to his nightstand, and there lying innocently was the black wristband.

Shigehiro's -

_"He transferred schools, and...he also said that he won't play basketball anymore."_

**He won't play basketball anymore**

It was his fault. He was the one that told them to not hold back, to do their best in the match - if only he didn't land himself with a head injury then he could at least be there to stop them - Tetsuya didn't know how he could stop them but he should have been there, should have been on that court -

_"-the difference in our strength is too huge-"_

_"-they were just too weak - "_

_"-they're so much weaker than us-"_

**111-11**

Tetsuya stumbled out from his bed and made a beeline for the bathroom. Voices were ringing in his ears, the scoreboard kept appearing in his peripheral; it felt like the rain was pouring down him once more, soaking him to the bones as Daiki stood before him -

_I don't_

**_remember_ **

**_your passes_ **

Gripping onto the sink, Tetsuya lifted his head and stared right into the mirror. For a second, he observed how his hair was in disarray, and how his complexion was paler than usual -

And then he could no longer see himself.

Because he was a shadow. A wraith.

_Invisible_

Tetsuya heard the sound of the cabinet being opened clumsily, the ringing of capsules in plastic bottles and the gushing of water from a tap. He felt the front of his shirt growing wet but Tetsuya just shook his head and somehow stumbled his way out of the bathroom and back onto his bed.

He was a shadow. A wraith. He was used to it, _used_ to it -

_"...I think you're more amazing - watching you work so hard to improve your basketball, staying behind late after practice - "_

_"Tetsu-kun! Good job in keeping up with practice -"_

_"...Let's stand on the same court one day, Tetsu!"_

_"Good work yesterday, Kuroko."_

_"I show respect to the people I admire, right? Kuroko-cchi?"_

So why was he hurting? Why did it hurt so much to be back in the shadows? Why did it hurt to breathe, hurt to think about them - why did it hurt so much -

_"It's just a feeling that I've, but that guy is going to save us one day -"_

_"If it's Tetsu, you can do it!"_

_"Well, it's your turn to help him this time. It's what teammates are for, right?"_

_"...if it's Kuroko, he can stand up again. He will definitely melt those cold eyes."_

  


He tried, didn't he? He tried to help, but he accomplished nothing. He can't do anything at all. He was not strong, he was not saving anyone - he was just a shadow -

Unseen. Unheard. 

It still hurts, but Tetsuya felt a sort of haze creeping upon him. His head felt heavier, and it was numbing out the ache in his chest. His breathing grew deeper, and his eyelids started to grow heavier.

_"Those of you who remained might need far more pity than I ever will."_

And then, he was -

Falling

falling 

falling 


End file.
